It’s the beginning of the year and you may be in a period of reflection. I remember the years I was single hoping with each new year that this one was going to be “my year”. After all… everyone else seemed to have had “their year” so how in the world could it not be my turn?
Well, I want this to be “your year” too! Maybe it will be the year you meet your husband or maybe it will be the year you start actually enjoying the season of singleness, whatever God has for you, I want you to grab hold of it!
So today I am sharing my best advice and 5 tips to make this year the best year yet. But don’t think it is going to be easy! If you want something to be different this year, you will have to do something different 😃
1. Make goals for your dating life.
This was not something that was even on my radar as a single woman, but I have learned so much recently about the role we play in our own future and the room God gives us to make decisions.
Looking back I realize that I formed a lot of unhealthy habits in regards to dating, whether it was being too closed off or too available, too controlling or abandoning all responsibility for my future. I can see now that there were some things I could have been more proactive about.
If you have been more passive in your dating life, waiting for God to drop your husband on your doorstep, this may be something you need to consider!
Action Step : Watch the video interview I did with Laura Austin (Dating Coach) in our Wholehearted Ladies FB group. We talk about practical steps you can take ownership of your dating life! (Sound gets better at minute 4:00. lol!)
2. Learn to view your singleness like Jesus – with an eternal perspective.
I talk about this a lot… but for good reason. As a single woman, figuring out that Jesus thought with an eternal perspective shifted so much for me in regards to my single life. It was the simplest, quickest, and most fundamentally life changing thing I experienced that transformed my outlook on my single season.
One of the reasons why singles can get so down on their season of life, is because we listen to the what the world says. We listen to the lies and those lies shape so many of our opinions on our season and ourself. But God’s truths tell us pretty much the opposite of what the world says, so we MUST actively pursue His truth, so we can change our mindset.
Action Step : Grab a copy of Wholeheartedly Devoted where I share the biblical truths that completely changed my outlook on my singleness. And if you’ve already completed that, keep an eye out for Eternally Fixed to go even deeper into understanding what it means to see this life through an eternal lens.
3. Commit to personal and spiritual development.
We talk a lot about this special list we have for Mr. Wonderful, but have you ever considered the kind of list this Mr. Wonderful would have for his Mrs. Wonderful?
It’s important to mature into the person who would attract the kind of man you desire. But… this isn’t just all about finding him. All of life is a journey to becoming the person God has created us to be. There are many ways that a spouse can help us grown into that person, but we can’t discount the growth and maturity that can happen as a single woman.
I experienced the greatest season of spiritual and personal maturity in the span of about 6 months and contribute it all to being alone with the Lord. With extended periods of time to just listen to Him in prayer and through the word it was as if I was in some sort of hyper-growth mode. There is so much opportunity here – Don’t miss it!
Action Step : Figure out your enneagram type! Learn your weaknesses and commit to overcome them. Discover your strengths, be proud of them and figure out how to maximize them.
4. Remove the pause button.
One of the most common things I see singles do (and did myself) is to WAIT to do certain things until they get married.
I am challenging you to do away with that thinking! I don’t want you to put things on hold that you could be doing now, just because you are waiting till you have a husband to do them with. What does that say about how you view yourself to think that you alone are not worth doing something?!
This could be something as big as buying a house or going overseas (for missions or for pleasure). Or it could be as simple as buying yourself a new set of pots instead of waiting till you can register for them (I don’t know anyone who did that… ). Whatever it is, I want you to hit the UNPAUSE button and keep on living life!
Action Step : Think through what your list is… the list of things you are waiting to do till you are married. This may take some reflection and prayer cause I’m sure there are some things that you are subconsciously not doing. Go through that list and see how you can begin doing those things right now!
5. Surrender your future.
This is not an easy one, but it is probably the most important.
Picture with me for a second a person who is grasping so tightly to something, just unwilling to let it go. Thats how I think many of us can be when it comes to our future. We have a picture in our head of what life should look like and we can’t even entertain anything else.
Sometimes I think we can grasp so tightly to this plan we’ve fantasized about that we miss out on something even greater God has for us. Maybe you are holding on too tightly to what you think your perfect future would be like. I’m here to encourage you to trust that His plans are greater than anything you can dream up.
When I think back to the life that I planned for myself, I kind of cringe just thinking about what my life would be like if God had given me what I begged for. I could have never dreamed up this sweet life that I’m living now and chances are you can’t either. Allow God, the creator of the universe and creator of you, to work in ways that only He can. Give up the reigns. Lay your expectations and future at His feet and tell Him you trust Him. Wholeheartedly. Then step back and watch Him move.
Action Step : Pray to the Lord, hands open and surrender your future. And if you are not ready to do that, just be honest with Him and tell Him your not ready. Talk to God and let Him know your heart and your fears and ask Him to give you the strength to make that next step!